Looking at her myspace

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Candid
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Looking at her myspace

Post by Candid »

https://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=68090

by Johnnyfive » Tue Aug 16, 2011 6:22 pm
So I recently started dating this girl, it’s not too serious but serious enough. She stayed at my house over the weekend and accidentally didn’t sign out of her Myspace. Well I get into it thinking it was my page; I was like wow I have a lot of messages. Well it turns out that she was receiving messages from strangers and responding with stuff like “your eyes are beautiful” or “I don’t date, are you looking for a fling?” (SHE IS SAYING THOSE THINGS) Just pretty much stuff like that. I didn’t get into to too much because I felt like I was violating her stuff. I didn’t really mean to get into it at all, but when I saw what I saw my curiosity set in. I only looked for a minute and It was too much for me. So do say something and look like the guy with trust issues (which I defiantly have those) or do I just run for the hills. The emails said they occurred 6/27 but I didn’t check the year because I didn’t think about it, I realized I needed to get out of her email. Now I think I’m dating a hoe! Should that matter if she is faithful? I don’t know if am secure enough to date a girl that can hit on random people she doesn’t know and suggest flings. I do not roll that way… I have done a “few” stupid things but I am almost 30 and not wanting that kind of stuff. She is really nice and considerate from what I can tell, but those kind of threw me for a loop.

by Candid » Tue Aug 16, 2011 7:23 pm
Johnnyfive wrote:So do say something and look like the guy with trust issues (which I defiantly have those) or do I just run for the hills.

Do you have to choose one of those? You could, for instance, say nothing and go on spending time with her, if you like her.

Now I think I’m dating a hoe!

Oh. In that case it should be she who runs for the hills.

Should that matter if she is faithful? I don’t know if am secure enough to date a girl that can hit on random people she doesn’t know and suggest flings. I do not roll that way…

You started your post saying the relationship wasn't serious, but serious enough. If you like her I suggest you just keep getting to know her better. It might be interesting to say: "You left your MySpace page open on my PC and I looked at it thinking it was mine. Sorry. I thought I should let you know" -- and see how she reacts.

I have done a “few” stupid things

Haven't we all? But in the days when virtually everyone is having virtual love affairs in cyberspace, I'm afraid you might be about to do another.

She is really nice and considerate from what I can tell

That's great. Why wreck it over nothing? And please don't refer to a woman as a garden tool ever again.

by Johnnyfive » Tue Aug 16, 2011 7:43 pm
So what I get from what your saying is she should get away from me. Sorry there is really no word to use without being offensive. I'm not one of those kind of guys and I don't know what to think about all that. Do you really think it is normal for female to behave like that. I have some guiy friends that do a lot of trashy things and I don't think that highly of that either. I don't think it is ok to use someone even if they are in return using you. You know it's your body, not the same as giving a stranger a dollar ya know. I think honesty might be the best recourse and just let whatever arise from the ashes, but then she is going to be mad and will think I am spooping! Which I guess isn't totally inaccurate.

by Beloved » Tue Aug 16, 2011 11:04 pm
Candid wrote: when virtually everyone is having virtual love affairs in cyberspace

Can you provide some statistics on how many Net 'romances' turn into down and dirty physical encounters in order to put the OP's girl's conduct in perspective?

BTW, what would a woman have to do so that calling her vile names is deserved?

by Johnnyfive » Tue Aug 16, 2011 11:55 pm
Your right, but it is what it is, even if people don't like my wording I would never actaully say that to her, just thought it would best discribe my feelings. If you smoke crack your a crackhead, if you steal your a theif.

Good point about what actually happened after the emails, but would you talk about meeting someone if you weren't? Or is that a sign that she is "permiscuous" and is there someting wrong with my thinking if I really feel that uncomfartable about it.

by Candid » Wed Aug 17, 2011 6:22 am
Johnnyfive wrote:So what I get from what your saying is she should get away from me.

Not unless you start name-calling to her face. If you think she's a whore, it's simple: get away from her and find the virgin you deserve.

Do you really think it is normal for female to behave like that.

It's normal for her.

I don't think it is ok to use someone even if they are in return using you. You know it's your body, not the same as giving a stranger a dollar ya know.

I don't understand this. Are you saying she's using you?

I think honesty might be the best recourse

I wonder what 'honesty' is going to involve. Perhaps you might say: "I like being around you and I want you all to myself. I will be upset and angry with you if I catch you acting towards other people in ways I think are inappropriate or threatening to my continued association with you. I expect you to tell me about all conversations you have with other men, whether in the flesh or online, and I want them to be boring and lifeless. Actually I want to snuff out your spark and keep your sexuality directed wholly in my direction. You are to have no thoughts or ideas that differ from mine. Be just like me or you are a whore. Now then... shall we get married?"

she is going to be mad and will think I am spooping! Which I guess isn't totally inaccurate.

She might not be mad. She might have left her MySpace page open deliberately. You were snooping, but your explanation is very plausible. You saw it, you thought it was yours, you started reading, you realised it was hers, and you kept reading. That sounds like normal behaviour to me.

You're never going to be able to control her or anyone else other than yourself. The only thing you can control is your reaction to what you've found out.

Beloved wrote:Can you provide some statistics on how many Net 'romances' turn into down and dirty physical encounters in order to put the OP's girl's conduct in perspective?

No. Who cares? Any encounter has the potential to turn sexual and in our increasingly overcrowded world we're bumping up against other people all the time. It's exhausting and futile trying to control what other people do or don't do. The "OP's girl's conduct" is just something she does. She types on a keyboard. Now he knows about it, he has to decide whether he likes her more, the same, less or not at all. The same could be said if he found out she listened to Bach or wore shoes to bed.

what would a woman have to do so that calling her vile names is deserved?

I don't know. What do you think? I think insults and name-calling are childish. If you don't like someone, get away from them. Other people will like them, and you'll find other people you like.

Johnnyfive wrote:I would never actaully say that to her, just thought it would best discribe my feelings. If you smoke crack your a crackhead, if you steal your a theif.

Labels are not feelings. Feelings are words like surprised, angry, hurt, baffled, insecure. A woman who flirts online, a person who smokes crack and one who steals all do plenty of other things as well. It's up to you whether you like the mix or want to write them off with a label.

would you talk about meeting someone if you weren't?

I have done this, yes. On another community forum I used to write a lot about visiting people I had no intention of visiting. I'm sure nothing would have surprised them more than me (or any of the others) turning up! It's like an interactive soap opera: a 'place' where you're entertained while playing a role yourself and having an effect on the drama.

is there someting wrong with my thinking if I really feel that uncomfartable about it.

I think you just needed to release some hot air.

by Johnnyfive » Wed Aug 17, 2011 7:42 am
I think your ok..LOL You sound well rounded and I think after reading all that it really depends on wether I'm serure enough to deal with it. I am a jerk for even using that term or implying that. I guess it is easy to lable and dismiss rather then whatever the alternative is. I don't think I am brave enough to actually say anything to her about it anyway. I can't really say why. There are other things that kind of complicatet things as wellm such as I started dating like immediately after ending a 8 year relationship (but that is another blog). So my trust is not so great... Probably more of a problem with me then anything else. But I really don't want to feel stupid seeing that sh** and having something happen. I think your right I am just blowing a lot of steem! Buy aslo lookinig for other peoples opinion of what they would do and if you'd be uncomfortable with that. Sorry for my poor spelling that one was really bad..LOL

by theforsaken » Wed Aug 17, 2011 9:04 am
Dump her ars, man, she aint worth sh**.
No return
The scars of man map the valley of death
No return
Visions of the end drag heaven to the depths.


by molotov » Wed Aug 17, 2011 12:03 pm
Johnnyfive wrote:it’s not too serious but serious enough.

AH?
Is Your GF able to understend the meening of this thermiology?
Are You able to decide what do You need? Make your choise firstly.
If "not serioys" than take it easy.
If "totally serious" than make GF understend it carefully.
But remember. Every usial modern girl has some net-admirers. That is the element of Internet-society. Girls like to feel themselves pretty-arresting.
Don't worry while your "it" is "serious ENOUGH".

by Johnnyfive » Thu Aug 18, 2011 7:25 am
what is therminology? I googled it and didn't get anything.

by Candid » Thu Oct 06, 2011 3:03 am
Thermiology is when a guy gets overheated looking at his girl's MySpace and involuntarily lets off some hot air. They shouldn't take everything so serioysli.

by Tom1978 » Thu Oct 06, 2011 8:45 am
Johnnyfive wrote:So I recently started dating this girl, it’s not too serious but serious enough. She stayed at my house over the weekend and accidentally didn’t sign out of her Myspace. Well I get into it thinking it was my page; I was like wow I have a lot of messages. Well it turns out that she was receiving messages from strangers and responding with stuff like “your eyes are beautiful” or “I don’t date, are you looking for a fling?” (SHE IS SAYING THOSE THINGS) Just pretty much stuff like that. I didn’t get into to too much because I felt like I was violating her stuff. I didn’t really mean to get into it at all, but when I saw what I saw my curiosity set in. I only looked for a minute and It was too much for me. So do say something and look like the guy with trust issues (which I defiantly have those) or do I just run for the hills. The emails said they occurred 6/27 but I didn’t check the year because I didn’t think about it, I realized I needed to get out of her email. Now I think I’m dating a hoe! Should that matter if she is faithful? I don’t know if am secure enough to date a girl that can hit on random people she doesn’t know and suggest flings. I do not roll that way… I have done a “few” stupid things but I am almost 30 and not wanting that kind of stuff. She is really nice and considerate from what I can tell, but those kind of threw me for a loop.

I don't think you should take it so seriously. Maybe she posted those messages before you met her. If you can't stop thinking of this maybe just talk to her. Sit her down and discuss all of this with her. Ask her if she has doubts to be completely honest with you. Maybe she has luck of your attention. And maybe she will tell you everything herself.

by IIxWOLFxII » Mon Oct 10, 2011 9:52 pm
Johnnyfive wrote:So I recently started dating this girl, it’s not too serious but serious enough. She stayed at my house over the weekend and accidentally didn’t sign out of her Myspace. Well I get into it thinking it was my page; I was like wow I have a lot of messages. Well it turns out that she was receiving messages from strangers and responding with stuff like “your eyes are beautiful” or “I don’t date, are you looking for a fling?” (SHE IS SAYING THOSE THINGS) Just pretty much stuff like that. I didn’t get into to too much because I felt like I was violating her stuff. I didn’t really mean to get into it at all, but when I saw what I saw my curiosity set in. I only looked for a minute and It was too much for me. So do say something and look like the guy with trust issues (which I defiantly have those) or do I just run for the hills. The emails said they occurred 6/27 but I didn’t check the year because I didn’t think about it, I realized I needed to get out of her email. Now I think I’m dating a hoe! Should that matter if she is faithful? I don’t know if am secure enough to date a girl that can hit on random people she doesn’t know and suggest flings. I do not roll that way… I have done a “few” stupid things but I am almost 30 and not wanting that kind of stuff. She is really nice and considerate from what I can tell, but those kind of threw me for a loop.

It sounds to me like you are a conservative, shy / introverted person. She may be your polar opposite - outgoing, flirtatious / social. I definitely see where you are coming from. I'm pretty conservative...with liberal tendencies; meaning - I think about sex constantly...but in reality my sex life is non-existent and I am very quiet and private person.
Bottom line is: A human is simply a VARIABLE of the SAME THING. Everything in this universe is balanced. We're all the same in our need for water...but we crave water at different times and at different amounts. Same goes for being "sexually promiscuous." Some people crave a lot of it....others...not so much. One night stands, flirting, and even socializing openly with others is not my bag either...but I strive to be mature in my refusal to socially label someone.
This woman may be EXACTLY what you need to open you up...make you more fluid in life, and enjoy it. YOU may be EXACTLY what she needs: Someone to calm her down, show her some good old fashion family values, dinners etc..... When you embrace a relationship...the more you see life from a universal standpoint it makes all those ridiculous trifles seem that much smaller. Opposites not only attract, but can contribute to a greater balance than two people who are exactly alike. It can be a joyous union of two people who bring balance, or a complete disaster (depending of course on the narcissism and or wisdom of the individual)
The reason I'm conservative is because I choose to treat my body as a gift. That does NOT mean that I think it's wrong to enjoy sex freely. I envy those people. I just like to purposefully hunger and put myself into craving mode so when I do meet the man I love, I can take out all that pent up energy on him. So far it's been years and no luck, but I'm still holding strong.
I think people who sleep around are just fine too....as long as they are careful (STD's etc...) Some people can't wait, because they utilize their bodies to turn life itself into a gift. See the balance? For some people, their body is a gift...for others life is a gift to their bodies. END OF STORY. They are blessed with a spirit for adventure, and calling any liberated woman a "hoe" is wrong to me, but I am sure you were writing out of frustration so I'll let that slide....for now LoL.
What I would do (if I were you) is to ask her a simple question: If trust is an important element in any relationship for her. Of course, she will say "yes." After she says yes, then tell her that you are about to express your need for her to trust you in being honest of what just occurred on your computer. Politely tell her that she left her MySpace account on, and you had a moment of weakness and that YOU APOLOGIZE and assure her that you will never have to feel insecure with her again. After that, make an extreme observation in her body language and how she reacts. If she opens up, accept it and move on. Forgive and forget...it's all up to you. Hope this helps.
Every Sunday, rain, hail, snow or Christmas, I stand for freedom. https://www.astandinthepark.org/
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