1 year PAWS - It's been a year since I quit

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9monthquit
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Posts: 13
Joined: Sun Mar 06, 2022 2:15 am

Re: 1 year PAWS - It's been a year since I quit

Post by 9monthquit »

It all began around 6 years ago, when I started smoking once a week for a year. The following year, I smoked several times a week. And in my final year of consumption, I smoked every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. My last day of use is still etched into my memory; I was watching a Twitch livestream, decided to take a "hit", ended up getting pretty paranoid. From that day on, I quit. I got rid of all the cannabis and threw any means to consume it away. And just like that, 31 months (2y, 7m) have passed since I last consumed Cannabis.

It's been a wild ride. From suicidal depression, to severe anxiety, to depersonalization-derealization, to intrusive thoughts, and constant insomnia. I had to go through this nightmare for several years. But there was a bright side. Looking back, through those years, I achieved a great deal. I got a degree, got the job of my dreams, moved to a new city, and my life advanced the most it ever has. Besides that, I developed amazing habits that I practice to this day. I'm meditating, exercising, eating healthy, and prioritizing sleep. In some ways, PAWS pushed me to change, and stretched me in ways that ultimately led to tremendous personal growth.

Getting to the point: have I recovered? The answer is no. This might come as a disappointment to some of you, but I want to reassure, I'm really close. Do I feel how I used to before PAWS? Almost. What's still lingering? I still get bouts of anxiety. I still get bouts of insomnia. I still get bouts of mild depression. And yes, I can clarify, it's not normal human emotion. It's never been normal for me to just feel "low" when I wake up on a relaxed weekend. But most weekends, I don't feel this "low." And when I do, I know it's my brain healing. I don't lose myself in these emotions anymore, and I certainly am not dysfunctional by any stretch of the imagination. If I were to put an estimate on it, I'd say I'm 95% there.

I have been monitoring my trajectory and can confirm that things have been gently improving month by month. I feel the best I have felt in almost 3 years. And my gut instinct is this year will be the one I finally get over PAWS. I'll be posting updates, but you can expect them to be infrequent as healing feels exponentially slower the closer I get to feeling 100%. Perhaps in another 3 to 6 months I will post a message. I'll keep an eye on this post and forum continuously, though. I want to hear from the rest of you folks on how you're doing (if you're still around). Thank you for reading, and take care.
FacelessOnes
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Jul 09, 2023 9:20 pm

Re: 1 year PAWS - It's been a year since I quit

Post by FacelessOnes »

Any updates? I’m on week 2 and it’s getting better I think, but I wish to stop ruminating and also stop this anxiety 100%… I feel like I can’t do the stuff I used to do anymore like before.
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Candid
Posts: 300
Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2022 9:34 am

Re: 1 year PAWS - It's been a year since I quit

Post by Candid »

I'm sorry you haven't had a reply, FacelessOnes. You might do better looking at https://uncommonforumarchive.com/viewfo ... 01312409c4, although you can no longer post there. 9monthquit started this forum and preserved the old one when it closed.

Fings aint wot they used ter be.
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